Im stressed but this is better than few months ago. For the first time after a long long long time ago, I have a problem again with feelings, feelings for a man. You kno, I always focusing myself to Marc Marquez because Im kind of lazy to involve in a story with boys like what I did last time was in high school. I just dont want to, I wanna focus in chasing my dreams.
But guess what? it happened again. Things I avoid, came to me. While trying to upgrade myself in knowledge and skill, accidentally, I got involved in a weird relationship with a man. I've never imagine, even a bit, before, that I would have this kind of story with this man. I was really protecting myself with my thoughts about him, because, I just respect him.
He tried to get close to me. Like what I said, I respect him a lot, and to be honest, it's ok for me he wants to be closer with me. At that time, I had no feelings for him but only respect, that's all. I try to respect him also as a human, human who must have feelings. A man, who could have an interest to a woman.
Honestly, the way he tried to get close to me, was a bit scary. At first, instead of feeling happy because someone I respect wanted to know me more, I was scared because he felts so different and did something I've never expect he could do that. I tried to tell him, I wasn't comfortable with what he has done, and asked him to don't do that again. I deserve for respects.
After that, he changed. He took back my respect, and I started to feel comfortable to do many things with him. Things I feel I dont want to do that at first, I finally did. The problem is, I already told him, I didn't have any feelings for him, and he agreed me, we don't have any 'official' relationship. When we want to be together, we will. At first, he tried to make time with me almost every day, and I was ok with that, I think if I feel happy and this not causing problems, so what?
After 1 or 2 months, we didn't have time as much as the beginning. We just spent time together once a week, once two weeks, until once a month. Now? it's not a routine anymore. And guess what? it becomes problem for me, I think my feelings has changed. I got attached to him, I want to be with him, not only for fun, but as a friend, a partner. A friend who can share many things to each other, talking about many ideas, talking about our experiences, about life, deep talk. I love deep conversation, and I feel comfortable to do that with him.
I told him I might be like him now, but I can feel he doesnt have any other plan for this story with me. Is it totally my fault? I don't know. But one thing I know, you can't control anybody's feelings. That fact makes me sad. After I know about other bitter truth, he might still thinking about another girl. That was hit me so much, I felt sooooo down, it's like the worst moment ever in my 20years life. From my point of view, from my ego, I am the woman who stay beside him these days, trying to do my best for me and him, stay beside him while he wants fun, but what? he thinking of another girl. This might be not right, but the fact shows that this is almost definitely true. I just can't face this truth. I can't.
I can't count how much time I spent thinking of him and crying the truth. I dont want this, but it's in my head. The moments, the memories, the conversations, totally in my head, I can't help myself with this. I've been doing things I shouldn't do, I got sensitive emotionally, feels like I dont know myself anymore. Huge effects, right?
I know he dont to the same thing. He dont even know what my goals, what I want in this life, what I feel right now. He dont know and maybe dont wanna know, oh ok, he dont fuckin' care. I know he might be just thinking of his goals, his business, a girl he wants to spend time with for life, his parents, his life. I know. There might be no space for me even a little. Finally, now I realized, this is something I couldn't expect more.
I try to avoid any truth that will hit me again. Im tired, Im done. I know he can get over this easily, not like me. I know he just wants fun, I know how he look at me, I know he dont have any feelings for me, I know how I look when I try to ask him his time. I definitely know. Im just tired, tired facing bitter truths. I just follow my heart. I still want to spend time with him, but not for changing his feelings, not for asking anything. I just try to make myself happy, even I know it couldn't be like this for a long time. I dont know what to do. I just want to focus on myself, my happiness, my goals, my future. If he does not belong to me even after everything happened between us, what can I do?
The most important thing now, I have to focus again to my goals, make steps to chase it again like the first, so maybe I can forget this as soon as possible. Maybe not try to forgetting, but try to give a fuck with this man and get back my self love. That's all I wanna say, I think.
Did you ever listen to Niki Zefanya's song titled 'I Like U'? That song is so me.
I bolded what I feel the most. Fuck everything. Goddamn.
But guess what? it happened again. Things I avoid, came to me. While trying to upgrade myself in knowledge and skill, accidentally, I got involved in a weird relationship with a man. I've never imagine, even a bit, before, that I would have this kind of story with this man. I was really protecting myself with my thoughts about him, because, I just respect him.
He tried to get close to me. Like what I said, I respect him a lot, and to be honest, it's ok for me he wants to be closer with me. At that time, I had no feelings for him but only respect, that's all. I try to respect him also as a human, human who must have feelings. A man, who could have an interest to a woman.
Honestly, the way he tried to get close to me, was a bit scary. At first, instead of feeling happy because someone I respect wanted to know me more, I was scared because he felts so different and did something I've never expect he could do that. I tried to tell him, I wasn't comfortable with what he has done, and asked him to don't do that again. I deserve for respects.
After that, he changed. He took back my respect, and I started to feel comfortable to do many things with him. Things I feel I dont want to do that at first, I finally did. The problem is, I already told him, I didn't have any feelings for him, and he agreed me, we don't have any 'official' relationship. When we want to be together, we will. At first, he tried to make time with me almost every day, and I was ok with that, I think if I feel happy and this not causing problems, so what?
After 1 or 2 months, we didn't have time as much as the beginning. We just spent time together once a week, once two weeks, until once a month. Now? it's not a routine anymore. And guess what? it becomes problem for me, I think my feelings has changed. I got attached to him, I want to be with him, not only for fun, but as a friend, a partner. A friend who can share many things to each other, talking about many ideas, talking about our experiences, about life, deep talk. I love deep conversation, and I feel comfortable to do that with him.
I told him I might be like him now, but I can feel he doesnt have any other plan for this story with me. Is it totally my fault? I don't know. But one thing I know, you can't control anybody's feelings. That fact makes me sad. After I know about other bitter truth, he might still thinking about another girl. That was hit me so much, I felt sooooo down, it's like the worst moment ever in my 20years life. From my point of view, from my ego, I am the woman who stay beside him these days, trying to do my best for me and him, stay beside him while he wants fun, but what? he thinking of another girl. This might be not right, but the fact shows that this is almost definitely true. I just can't face this truth. I can't.
I can't count how much time I spent thinking of him and crying the truth. I dont want this, but it's in my head. The moments, the memories, the conversations, totally in my head, I can't help myself with this. I've been doing things I shouldn't do, I got sensitive emotionally, feels like I dont know myself anymore. Huge effects, right?
I know he dont to the same thing. He dont even know what my goals, what I want in this life, what I feel right now. He dont know and maybe dont wanna know, oh ok, he dont fuckin' care. I know he might be just thinking of his goals, his business, a girl he wants to spend time with for life, his parents, his life. I know. There might be no space for me even a little. Finally, now I realized, this is something I couldn't expect more.
I try to avoid any truth that will hit me again. Im tired, Im done. I know he can get over this easily, not like me. I know he just wants fun, I know how he look at me, I know he dont have any feelings for me, I know how I look when I try to ask him his time. I definitely know. Im just tired, tired facing bitter truths. I just follow my heart. I still want to spend time with him, but not for changing his feelings, not for asking anything. I just try to make myself happy, even I know it couldn't be like this for a long time. I dont know what to do. I just want to focus on myself, my happiness, my goals, my future. If he does not belong to me even after everything happened between us, what can I do?
The most important thing now, I have to focus again to my goals, make steps to chase it again like the first, so maybe I can forget this as soon as possible. Maybe not try to forgetting, but try to give a fuck with this man and get back my self love. That's all I wanna say, I think.
Did you ever listen to Niki Zefanya's song titled 'I Like U'? That song is so me.
I bolded what I feel the most. Fuck everything. Goddamn.
I guess this is a bitter end I didn't see coming
And I'm havin' a little bit of trouble accepting, too
I don't know what to say to you
There's nothing I can do to reset your point of view
We both said this was just physical
But one of us lied, catching feelings aside, truth be told, yeah
You asked to see me once again at half past ten
I got nervous, so I got faded, made things complicated
And I'm havin' a little bit of trouble accepting, too
I don't know what to say to you
There's nothing I can do to reset your point of view
We both said this was just physical
But one of us lied, catching feelings aside, truth be told, yeah
You asked to see me once again at half past ten
I got nervous, so I got faded, made things complicated
I'm sorry for those stupid shit I said
You ordered fun I served you threads
It's probably good you left 'cause I finally admit
You ordered fun I served you threads
It's probably good you left 'cause I finally admit
I like you I like you I like you
Sorry, I never meant to
But who're we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say
When look at you I wouldn't have it any other way
I want you I want you I want you
I want you to want me, too
I know that I signed up for this casually
But I fell for your tricks, I'm the casualty
Sorry, I never meant to
But who're we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say
When look at you I wouldn't have it any other way
I want you I want you I want you
I want you to want me, too
I know that I signed up for this casually
But I fell for your tricks, I'm the casualty
Can we just reset, restart and replay
Take me back to when all
You wanted was to love on me everyday, yeahI like you I like you I like you
Words I won't ever hear from you
Wishing I could turn back the hands of time
To when I feel your hands on me
And your lips on mine
Take me back to when all
You wanted was to love on me everyday, yeahI like you I like you I like you
Words I won't ever hear from you
Wishing I could turn back the hands of time
To when I feel your hands on me
And your lips on mine
I know that that was too much the last time you saw me
And I don't blame you for getting over everything so easy
But I just can't seem to figure you out
You goddamn mystery
Good god how you kiss me
Didn't think it'd be distressed, galored
Thought I just wanted you there
With your hands in my hair
But I craved more
And you just wanted rock 'n roll, no heart and soul
And I knew that from the beginning
So why don't I feel like I'm winning?
And I don't blame you for getting over everything so easy
But I just can't seem to figure you out
You goddamn mystery
Good god how you kiss me
Didn't think it'd be distressed, galored
Thought I just wanted you there
With your hands in my hair
But I craved more
And you just wanted rock 'n roll, no heart and soul
And I knew that from the beginning
So why don't I feel like I'm winning?
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm the joke
The punchline that got too old
It's killing me to see you gone 'cause I never told you
The punchline that got too old
It's killing me to see you gone 'cause I never told you
I like you I like you I like you
Sorry, I never meant to
But who're we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say
When I look at you I wouldn't have it any other way
I want you I want you I want you
I want you to want me, too
I know that I signed up for this casually
But I fell for your tricks, I'm the casualty
Sorry, I never meant to
But who're we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say
When I look at you I wouldn't have it any other way
I want you I want you I want you
I want you to want me, too
I know that I signed up for this casually
But I fell for your tricks, I'm the casualty
Can we just reset, restart and replay
Take me back to when all
You wanted was to love on me everyday, yeahI like you I like you I like you
Words I won't ever hear from you
Wishin' I could turn back the hands of time
To when I feel your hands on me
And your lips on mine
Take me back to when all
You wanted was to love on me everyday, yeahI like you I like you I like you
Words I won't ever hear from you
Wishin' I could turn back the hands of time
To when I feel your hands on me
And your lips on mine
Something 'bout you makes me difficult
But that makes us even 'cause you're top of the charts
Egotistical, it's so typical
For me to fall for your kind
But oh God I wish you were mine
But that makes us even 'cause you're top of the charts
Egotistical, it's so typical
For me to fall for your kind
But oh God I wish you were mine
I like you I like you I like you
Sorry, I never meant to
But who're we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say
When look at you I wouldn't have it any other way
I want you I want you I want you
I want you to want me, too
Would it be a stress if I asked you to try again?
I'll be patient, I swear I'll even count to ten
One, two, three, four, five
Fuck it
Sorry, I never meant to
But who're we kidding, it wasn't like I had a say
When look at you I wouldn't have it any other way
I want you I want you I want you
I want you to want me, too
Would it be a stress if I asked you to try again?
I'll be patient, I swear I'll even count to ten
One, two, three, four, five
Fuck it
Can we just reset, restart and replay
Take me back to when all
You wanted was to love on me everyday, yeah
I like you I like you I like you
Words I won't ever hear from you
Wishin' I could turn back the hands of time
To when I like you was only just a secret
Crime
Take me back to when all
You wanted was to love on me everyday, yeah
I like you I like you I like you
Words I won't ever hear from you
Wishin' I could turn back the hands of time
To when I like you was only just a secret
Crime
Yeah, uh
